August 20, 2016
Currently I consider myself to be the best possible version of homeless. I have a place to stay where conditions are wonderful but I don’t have a place for myself, instead we occupy the space that isn’t being used by the family letting us stay with them, which is mainly the basement and an office room. The basement is cold but we have a space heater and a fireplace to keep it temperate. I sleep on a sleeping bag on the concrete floor or curled up on the loveseat when I can pass with a catnap for sleep. Thankfully, the girls have their own beds to sleep in. What I cannot provide for myself, I am thankful to be able to give to the children.
I didn’t ever realize how important it was to have a place to call my own. I yearn for the completion of a day where I can sit down amongst the things I have accumulated that provide comfort and convenience to my mind and body and truly feel at peace doing the things I need to do in my own privacy. I miss those days and I look forward to when my situation turns around and offers me a place of my own. Until then I am thankful to have such a comfortable roof over my head during these trying times for my family.
Right now my family has a past due storage unit (constantly in fear of having those items sold out from under us), an old home where we used to stay until living conditions got too bad (constantly worried my things are going to be stolen from this place), and the current place we lay our head at night. With all of our things scattered among so many places, I feel lost a lot of the time.
I feel a sense of having something I want to do but I cannot figure out what I want to do. Today (tonight) I am deciding that consolidating all of our things into one place is the next essential task I must complete. Finding a way to gather everything up will give me some semblance of sanity back to my overwhelmed mind. Since most of the time I feel like I am handling more than I am capable of, I want to find as much opportunity to alleviate my stressors. Cutting out the monthly bill we cannot afford at the storage unit is all around beneficial with the only negative being the size of the storage unit and the state of the inside of it (I’ve gone through boxes without reorganizing or putting away everything). The same thing exists at the house we cannot stay at. Our things are there but in a state that makes it hard to easily move – so work to be done there too.
I’m ready. I want to get my life put back together. First step might just be putting together all the pieces I have laying around this town. So much to do when I still have all the normal things to accomplish. It seems such a daunting task to get over this turbulence life has thrown our way, but I’m determined to do it. I feel as though I have hovering in a place where I could sink or swim.
Since I don’t feel like drowning, it means I’m about to dive into the deep end and find a way to float to the top.