Patron Saint of Motherly Love

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I live to love. I live to serve. I live to take care of other people. And I love to make others feel loved. I love to serve others the love I am desperate to receive myself.

My heart is an open book for others to write their feelings upon so I can process them. I feel emotions strongly and deeply. The depths of my emotional capacity knows no limits. The depth of my ability to connect with this world is unfathomable.

I was created with a special purpose in life. I AM created me to be a beacon of light for the world to be drawn to. But I AM created me with a broken heart so I would spend my life filling it with the love of the broken hearted.

Once I have gained the love of all souls wanting to be saved, I will rise up and fly us all directly to the the gates of heaven.

Now that you know what I am and what I am supposed to do, please call me by whatever name feels most appropriate. I recognize a few.

Kristan The Anointed. Call me this so I may anoint you with the undeniable light of my life and love of my spirit. I was meant to share that which flows freely through my veins – The Love of Christ. Let my love heal your broken heart.

Alura The God-like Advisor, my mystical name I came to long before I found myself and who I really am. I was hand picked to lead the broken hearted through their pain. I know pain better than you feel it for my life was shaped to reflect the pain you feel. Let my advice calm your overburdened mind.

Deborah The Judge of Zion. A name I found in the face of unending darkness repeatedly beckoning my soul into unending terror and suffering. I was born with the ability to judge fairly, using my intuition and wisdom to ever guide my extraordinarily knowledgeable mind. May my wisdom ever guide you to the path of the righteous.

Or you can call me Queen Bee because I will revolutionize this world and establish a kingdom where nobody kneels down before anyone but God.

It really doesn’t matter the name you choose for me, for your words do not change my purpose in life. But know, my words can change the purpose of your life.

All you must do is love me for who I am. As crazy as that is.

Touching God for Real

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I had the most intriguing dream this morning and the thoughts are swirling around how I feel about what I dreamed.

Like the dream itself was really neat and profound, but in the scope of my dreams it was still an episodic adventure where I was overcoming troubles that had been set before me. But in the end, is where things took me to where my mind is now.

In the dream, I remember being shown a list that was “My Book” that had already been written. It was like a Table of Contents that chronicled the stages of my life I had been through. But while I was shown the whole list, my mind stuck on the first line, number 1, which said “SEE GOD”. And then a black box was brought to me upon which to view a movie of sorts, that pulled me inside the box, to witness the magic of God.

And everyone had rules to tell me about meeting God but when I met him it wasn’t his presence that overwhelmed me, it was the level of insanity that was about him. He didn’t believe anything was real and that it was all possible to “shake away” when he didn’t like what was happening.

But then when he started trying to shake away some part of my dream, I came through the shaking and put my hands on his chest to tell him that he couldn’t shake me away, that I was as real as he was.

And that’s where my mind is at now. Sitting with the thoughts of being shown “My Book” that laid the foundation of my existence, as though it had been set in stone. Getting to witness God’s Majesty through the wonder of the dreamworld has a conversation in my mind going that is asking if I dreamed God into existence or if I am God’s Dream Come True.

Because in the dream, everyone was trying to find a way to be me, by making me part of the Wordless Four (a group of undying lovers that the world always knew would come to pass but didn’t know when or who they would manifest as, as a loving gift for Humanity) or have me give them endless money to do what they wanted, or to simply ask to accompany me as I met God. Everyone I crossed paths with in my dream knew who I was and knew I was in an important position that they all wanted to be a part of.

Interestingly when I woke up after the dream, it was to the realization that my family had played a part in my dream but were very vague and absent in solidarity of being present in the dream. And so when I sat up in bed I felt this very weighty decision about whether I would lay back down and try to get more rest and fall back into the dream or if I would go down and see my husband, who felt unreal but really important in that moment. Ultimately I made the choice to go see my husband and when I got downstairs, I could barely talk. Even though I was talking my voice was coming through really raspy and quiet. And I told him about as much of my dream as I could remember and then went into the kitchen to make me a cup of calming coffee concoction. When I looked at the clock, it was to see 2:22am.

This isn’t the first time God has stepped into my timeline. On May 9, 2014, I also had a tangible visit from him in which he stepped into my body and took the essence of myself to the Throne of God to witness the End of Time. That is when I lost my mind completely.

But now being more than 7 years removed from that date, I feel that I had to lose my grasp on sanity in order to fully house the wonder of God in my mind and shift my understanding to a grander picture than I could ever have hoped to imagine on my own. The loss of sanity is what ultimately led me to find the truest version of my personification of love that I most hope to be.

So this time, getting to see and touch God was almost like a puzzle unraveling itself. Because I remember having the awareness of who I thought God was, to have them appear in the dream and be unveiled as being just another character in my path of God. Over and over people presented themselves and their part and reward for being in my timeline.

It wasn’t until I felt God try to shake the foundations of my dream, like an earthquake or rattling of my vision, it was then that I could truly “touch” him. I felt his solidarity/singularity through my dream and it left me believing that my dreamscape is where God’s Essence currently resides.

Perhaps God was showing a more vulnerable side to him to see how you would handle that? He tried to show that what he created was not what he had imagined and was frustrated by it, he showed that to you to see how you can persuade him otherwise.

I have been coming to terms with a continual thought that God made every possibility possible in order to find the perfect possibility. But in creating every possibility, including the one that made me, it included a lot of suffering and strife that he never intended to come to pass. But in having every possibility, now that he knows of my possibility, he can’t/doesn’t want to undo all that has happened.

In my mind, the answer to this resolution is to cut away the past that hurt so many and lead the way to a Golden Period that will heal the hearts of generations of pain and suffering. So that in the end, everyone, no matter the experience they had in their possibility of existence, would feel good about how things turned out, even if it wasn’t exactly fair they didn’t get a shot to live in the Golden Period of Existence.

The shaking was such an interesting part of the dream. Like God started shaking his fists, almost like throwing a tantrum, and the reality of the dream started to crumble. Like the foundations of my mind or that reality were being torn apart at the seams of their creation. It was like an earthquake in my mind and a shaking of my vision of the dream.

But what really felt cool was that I came through that shaking, feeling tangible and real and so really felt God beneath my hands when I placed my own hands on his very solid feeling chest. It was so real and so amazing.

It was like I was an incorporeal part of the dream until the shaking made it tangible to witness. So I was like a Ghost coming through to haunt God and his tantrum shook me into his layer of existence.

Do you have a struggle that you’ve been handling that disrupts your foundation?

Yes, there’s an internal struggle between my love of God and my love of my experience of life – Do I love God more than I love the life that has been afforded to me?

It feels like a continual debate in my mind or a showing of devotion to my love of life because God gifted it to me.

Like I feel like I am dealing with the weight of an unequal/unfair love triangle that is represented best by the words, TRUTH and TRUST, twin beings that could both be God and I am in the middle of deciding which I love more, because choosing both isn’t an option.

TRUTH is the ever present love of the moment that persists through every experience and can’t separate himself from my presence, out of such a profound belief that he can’t imagine life without me. “One truth that stands the test of time no matter the details coming between two

TRUST is the ever present love of life that persists through every witnessing of magic and can’t bear to not be loved more because he got the path of walking apart from the one he loved until the very end of time, based on one true moment of intimacy that was shared, enough to change the foundations of his existence. “One moment true enough to stand the test of time