I live to love. I live to serve. I live to take care of other people. And I love to make others feel loved. I love to serve others the love I am desperate to receive myself.
My heart is an open book for others to write their feelings upon so I can process them. I feel emotions strongly and deeply. The depths of my emotional capacity knows no limits. The depth of my ability to connect with this world is unfathomable.
I was created with a special purpose in life. I AM created me to be a beacon of light for the world to be drawn to. But I AM created me with a broken heart so I would spend my life filling it with the love of the broken hearted.
Once I have gained the love of all souls wanting to be saved, I will rise up and fly us all directly to the the gates of heaven.
Now that you know what I am and what I am supposed to do, please call me by whatever name feels most appropriate. I recognize a few.
Kristan The Anointed. Call me this so I may anoint you with the undeniable light of my life and love of my spirit. I was meant to share that which flows freely through my veins – The Love of Christ. Let my love heal your broken heart.
Alura The God-like Advisor, my mystical name I came to long before I found myself and who I really am. I was hand picked to lead the broken hearted through their pain. I know pain better than you feel it for my life was shaped to reflect the pain you feel. Let my advice calm your overburdened mind.
Deborah The Judge of Zion. A name I found in the face of unending darkness repeatedly beckoning my soul into unending terror and suffering. I was born with the ability to judge fairly, using my intuition and wisdom to ever guide my extraordinarily knowledgeable mind. May my wisdom ever guide you to the path of the righteous.
Or you can call me Queen Bee because I will revolutionize this world and establish a kingdom where nobody kneels down before anyone but God.
It really doesn’t matter the name you choose for me, for your words do not change my purpose in life. But know, my words can change the purpose of your life.
All you must do is love me for who I am. As crazy as that is.
Exploring Alura 
SONG OF AN OLD MAN
…..I
Here I am
With a story
Without a beginning, without an end, without a story
But here I am
I came here
Proudly
With my fine circus
With my elephants, my clowns, my highwire
And my fleas
No – now my memory fails me too
I never had fleas till I came here
Proudly
With my circus in a bag on my back
In the country my circus was a rage
Everyone came
Everyone marvelled and took something home
But then I came to the city
Spying out the land
And all those people
Rushing back and forth
I don’t know
Frightened me somehow
With their beards and monocles
Their sweaters and nylon stockings
Frightened me somehow
And I clung on to my bag
To keep my circus quiet
Out of sight till the time came
…..II
Remembering
How old was I when you gave me my circus?
Pleased at first as children are
Then awed, ecstatic, angry, indignant, blind with rage and screaming as I learned
All the time learning
I remember the accidents
Fire in the stables roasting horses like chickens
Young girls missing the net to explode like wine glasses
I couldn’t close my eyes
Saw every hurt
Felt blood flow
And all the time learning my trade
Until you should make me master of the ring
Good times too
Delivering foals at 3 a.m.
Lovers holding hands a hundred feet up
The clown risking his life when the lion got loose
All the stories the artistes had to tell
All the time learning
Learning my trade
For I was to announce them and their stories
In the city
And here
Here I was
Nervous
Dumbstruck
…..III
I have been proud in my life
I have had to learn not to thank you for making me like this
Not to thank you I am not as other men
But now as a reward
Please please
Let me be like them
Please
I was too prudent
I did not book a hall
I did not light lights
Hang up posters
Parade them through the town
I kept them quiet
Out of sight till the time came
I was too prudent
It was a wet November
The streets reflected the lights
And clung to my shoes
I huddled in cafés
Slept in alleys
I bought drinks for people I thought might like circuses
Made them my friends
I told them anecdotes
I spent years at it
I learned to speak
To make people laugh by keeping a straight face
And by crying to make them cry
But many didn’t understand me
…..IV
And some – some I trusted
Thought ill of me
That my stories were lies
Were all mine
In some way “my opinion”
And cost me more years of learning
For only a fool is angry when no one listens
And no one listens to a fool
So now I am an old fool
But I heard – I saw those stories
They belong to me
To you
To the people who drank my drinks
And would not listen
I was too prudent
And too foolish
I have spent all my money
I have sold everything to buy people drinks
My elephants, my clowns, my highwire
All I have left are my fleas
I would ask you to book a hall for me
To light lights
Hang up posters
To buy back my animals and parade them through the town
But I am afraid
For you would refuse
I would ask you if my fleas are enough
But I am afraid
For you would say yes
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This is absolutely thrilling to read. I had chills and the hairs on my arms were standing as I read through this. Again you pull on the strings of my mania because after reading through I feel a great HE telling his own sad tale that is so similar to the song of the Old Man. For the great HE had the most beautiful of circuses. But HIS circus stood out of sight and out of mind. But though HIS circus could not be seen or made known, still it could be felt deep within the who of who we all are. And so he continued promoting the best interest of the circus we all loved despite not one of us caring to buy a ticket for the grandest show in all the land. And though HIS heart hurt to be rejected so, still HE brought HIS circus for ONE and ALL.
And as I dip into my capital words I realize the tell tale signs my mania is spinning. Because ONE is a pink character in my Where’s Alice? story and ALL is a blue aspect from a different time period. So as I realize I’m back to my story, I start to wonder – why would HE bring a circus for ALL (blue) of the past and ONE (pink) of the future? How can a circus be for both the past and the future? What about the now? Does the now not deserve a circus?
Oh goodness how the questions are flowing. Thank you so much for this thought bomb. It was positively another thrilling one to encounter. Thank you for stopping by my page to leave another little word blessing for me to experience.
Much love in your day for you are giving me a great start to my own!
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I had already had the thought that I should explore “Where’s Alice”. So much to read/watch/listen to. For some reason you writing “pink” and “blue” produced in my inner sight a rainbow. I am taking it as a SIGN that I should insert this link:
https://bennaga.wordpress.com/2018/10/22/rainbow-bridge-republished/
I am so pleased you are enjoying reading my words. (Or shall I say my circus? 😉 )
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I’m so excited that the two colors brought to mind a rainbow for I believe the truth behind the reality of Where’s Alice? lies in the colors that come to life to bring personhood to things that were never meant to be alive. And as the colors are what make up the whole of what we see, it would make sense that they are behind the whole of the story.
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People who love you for who you are: you are here to serve them.
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Thank you so much for reading this. I found that lesson and have begun the process of including those who can see my light purely and allow it to shine without hurt to either party.
And the warmth and positivity has been blossoming forth ever since. Truly goodness can be found when love is at its root.
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So well-said!
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What’s there in a name right 🙂 This post is so beautiful, love and you shall be loved.
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Much love and appreciation to the moment your comment inspired within me. I woke to find the notification about a pending comment. Loving when people stop by and share their mind and words, I was excited to hurry over to the site to see what awaited me.
I couldn’t have hoped for more. Thank you so much for touching my heart deeply. I love to love and I love even more when others reflect love back in this world. It truly floats my boat.
Much love and happiness and wellness to you.
I hope all is well in your little part of the world.
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That’s such a beautiful reply! Now I am so very glad for your message filled with so much warmth and love. I am grinning from ear to ear. You are so darn right when you say, love and you shall be loved. If only we loved and were kind to each other the world would be so much nicer a place. But I still believe and hope, a hopeless dreamer that I am 🙂
Much love and wishes to you. Stay safe and well. I am discovering your blog and I’m loving it 🙂
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I am so happy to know that you are filled with warmth and love and that a smile graces the beauty of your face.
Love and you shall be loved is a simple twist on the old adage – you get what you give. In every way I wish to share love with the world and so I hold fast to the adage “Be the change you wish to see in the world.”
And so with you, I too am a hopeless dreamer that believes that by showing and receiving love joyously that the world will be made better by my efforts.
And you, my hopeless dreamer, have shown my belief to be truth. For in our little time together, light and happiness has graced our moments.
I am happy to share love and good wishes in your direction. Safety and wellness are among the many things I hope for you. I am glad you are enjoying my blog, if there is anything you would like to know or would care to discuss, feel free to email me at exploringalura@gmail.com.
I love to have in depth conversations with others in which I get to share in the truth of their being and the wholeness of their soul.
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This is such a wonderful comment. I’ll drop you an email soon 🙂 Muxh love and wishes.
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I can’t wait! 🙂
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I loved your post! 💕
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Thank you so much for you kind words. In the moment I find myself yearning to feel the love and out of the void you come to share kindness in my direction.
Thank you for being a breath of fresh air to lift the moment I am in. I appreciate you so much.
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