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I hate the idea of traveling to people’s homes without knowing who I am going to meet. I don’t know who is hiding behind the mask of anonymity. And despite my over the top desire to be entirely forthcoming the first person who responded to my add on Craigslist has really creeped me out with his inability to commit to hiring me unless I come alone to his house.
When I received this email I did not get excited. The fact that they were only talking about if I was willing to drive so far and my “rate” without ever detailing what they were really looking for made me think this person might not be talking about the same type of work as I was. As you can see, I responded in a manner to get as much detail from the “customer” as possible as quickly as possible because I need money and I need to make arrangements to get me anywhere I need to go now that my car is driving on a donut on the front passenger side and know that the other front side tire is down to its steel belt and is going to go flat any pothole/day now.
He responded with some detail but no pictures or anything to give me an idea of what type of work I would really be doing. Still left me feeling we might be talking different languages or speak.
Again I responded with an epic butt ton of information based on a couple of sentences of generic words to work with. And again I was responded with a vague outline of WHEN would be acceptable (indicating the job was in the bag but we just needed to find which time works best for both parties) but never letting me know how much work I would needing to be expect nor any things like what I would need to bring with me or any other pertinent personal information when preparing TO CLEAN A DIRTY HOUSE.
Despite not answering any of my numerous question, the man asks for my phone number and immediately calls once I give it to him. After talking for less than five minutes (our total call was 4:27 long) the man suddenly became adverse to me coming to his house because I would have my husband’s cousin with me, waiting in the car, while I worked. He stated that this would look bad to the neighbor’s to have someone sitting in his driveway for a couple hours. As I wrapped up the conversation I clarified that having a ride was only necessary because my car was broken.
Soon after hanging up with the man who didn’t want to hire me because it didn’t make him comfortable to have a man sitting in a car in his driveway because neighbors would think it looked weird emailed me again, totally unprompted. Suddenly it would be totally okay to “clean his house” so long as my car was running AND PRESUMEDLY I CAME ENTIRELY ALONE. I cannot understand the logic here and it creeps me out and makes me think either the guy believes I am a prositute or that I am stupid and willing to come alone to a stranger’s house to get raped, cut up, or otherwise brutalized and fed to the dogs he willingly admits to having. With my kind of luck I am driving to a crazy person’s house who has a taste for dumb moms that he can cage, beat, and ultimately kill and feed to the other bitches located in crates that are starving from lack of food and attention and are literally willing to eat human flesh rather than starve another second. Good dogs turned bag after years of solitude and depravation. That’s my kind of luck that I cannot help but worry might be happening if I go to this man’s house without adult supervision. This kind of stuff swirls around in shady situations which makes it difficult for me to trust people who aren’t very forthcoming with information when I am going to be personally helping them. It just screams weird to me. And when something feels weird, reads unsafe, and sets off my manic storytelling triggers I know I need to proceed cautiously. I know that I am not willing to work for this man unless I have someone watching my back. I know I’m not going to steal or hurt anyone inside. I don’t know for sure that man isn’t going to do some fucked up shit and know how to cover his tracks faster than fast to make me disappear before anyone can ever get the police to look for the crazy chick nobody believed was worth listening to.
My advertisement on Craiglist was a text version of this picture. Does any part of this indicate I am looking to be killed by a psychopath? No. Then I am going to need proof YOU are not out to HURT ME. Because I have a family and kids that mean more than my life but that only works if I am around to help them stay alive and enjoy their lives. Insanely putting myself in the hands of someone who could be actively plotting to kill me is not something any sanely intelligent person is willing to do. And so until further proof is provided, I’m not willing to identify myself to anyone not willing to step beyond the veil of anonymity before we meet in person. To do otherwise seems to be risky for my life and to my healthy state of mind.
The totality of my response was “No I am not interested in driving forty minutes to do an unspecified amount of cleaning for someone I do not know for only $50. Even if I only clean for only two hours that puts my total hourly rate at something dismal like $15. I’m not willing to risk my life coming to a stranger’s house for $15 an hour nor do I have the time tonight to take away from the only time my little girls get to spend with their mother when they have school. No work is more expensive than work that takes me away from spending time with my kids – that time comes at a premium. $150 an hour minimum plus a $50 an hour anonymity surcharge for remaining anonymous up until the point of meeting you plus a $150 up front pay before I do anything charge because you have creeped me out and made me doubt doing this whole business thing on the internet and I don’t like people making me doubt myself or doubt good people in need of a helping hand. $500 and I would be willing to come tonight as long as my husband’s cousin could drive me. Otherwise I am not willing to do business with you anymore.” I turn into kind of a bitch when people scare me with their anonymity and refuse to tell me important information about why I cannot work from home nor earn money without first knowing who the work is being completed for and the entire details of the job being expected to be performed.
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angrypumpkinoutofcontrol said:
Perhaps he is just as paranoid about strangers coming to his home and with a male sitting in driveway in a car. Maybe he thinks you are suckering him in to rob you? I personally have answered ads and gone alone to clean or sell but ALWAYS scope the place first and make sure people have all necessary info of where I will be. Just a thought.
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Exploring Alura said:
That’s the big problem. He’s forty minutes away so it is unacceptable for me to scope out his place beforehand. So it is either go there flying blind or ask someone to come along to guarantee my safety. This guy, while as likely to be innocent as a baby in his intentions, is still a man inviting a stranger woman into his own home and completely unwilling to allow me to get to know him before coming to his home. He is offering me no assurance that I am safe while actively cutting me off from any safety measure on my part. Too much of that rings true as bullshit manipulations to lure a dumb chick into a bad situation that could turn fatal if a bad hand was played at the wrong time.
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Exploring Alura said:
Which is manic speak for I am freaked out by putting myself in the hands of strangers to keep me safe when I cannot financially support my family. And I am not allowed people to keep my mind company while I put myself in the hands of strangers.
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Quiana said:
Hi! I&;7812#ve been reading your weblog for a long time now and finally got the courage to go ahead and give you a shout out from Houston Tx! Just wanted to tell you keep up the great work!
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Exploring Alura said:
I don’t know if you are still there. I have been in and out of my blog for a long time now. I am just now coming across your wonderful message. Thank you so much for taking the time to share that you have been following along. I appreciate so much your courage to reach out. I desperately love connection in all forms. Please, if you are still there know I appreciate you deeply and that I am hoping to come back to my blog in a regular and determined way. If you would like to connect more, my email is exploringalura@gmail.com and I would love to start up a conversation with you to get to know who’s reading my words a little better.
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Exploring Alura said:
I updated my post after I got another updated post telling me how much he was willing to pay me without telling me how I would be working for him or who I would be working for or where I would be working at. Still he hides behind anonymity without offering a scrap to help me feel better about the whole thing.
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