I guess the “…. through humans” explains perfectly your vision of God. You think God beholden to Humans, the ultimate perspective of humanity’s selfish pride and ego, the very thing putting distance between you and your love of God. There’s not much in my mind to say to that to try to deter you because that’s just your belief. It’s appalling to me to think an Infinite Creator of the Universe is little more than a lapdog to Humanity’s disgusting inability to better themselves.
For me God is Perfect – God is Everywhere and in Everything and in all that He is, He is capable of ANYTHING without need for any other because he is the absolute apex of Existence. There is no need for Humans to do His bidding, he created Humans and all their bullshit to work through. Humans are the lucky ones to know the love of a God they choose to walk apart from in their insistence that they are somehow equal to God, despite their utter corruption of spirit and lack of depth of soul.
If Jesus was God and Man – it meant that God came to show himself in Human form and we actually killed Him, hanging Him out to dry, thus showing how very little truth there was in Humanity’s equity with God. Humanity doesn’t seek God out, they seek to shut Him out with their desire to “be something special” and “Make a Big Difference in the World”. Those phrases right there show the absolute lack of authority or power that Humans have. They are so worthless that they have to dream like they are God to feel better about the lack of control they have over reality.
Which is ultimately what they then project onto God as HIS inequity. Like God can’t control the Universe without the help of some abhorrently violent and corrupt part of Existence. The very church you spoke of became corrupt and is supposedly filled with the faithful of God, knowing His Words and Grace and Message. If the very people supposedly espousing God are corrupt and vile, what does that speak of the rest of society walking apart from God?
The very thought that humans are more powerful than God is laughable, in my mind. Like how crazy do you have to be to look at Humanity and think “Yeah they got it together to outwit/outlast God in any kind of way…. like wow. That just reeks of ego and selfish pride in what Humanity has failed to do to show themselves as a superior race. They war, they hurt each other, they allow each other to die when they could save very real lives easily. They are a disgusting aspect of reality and to think that despairingly ugly part of Reality is “more powerful than God” just tells me you aren’t as close to God as you think you are.
You don’t “let God in” you shut him out with your perspective. And then you put yourself on some Human pedestal to think yourself better because, WHY? You’ve done something magical that proves God’s existence? You created something that changed the nature of reality somehow? You’ve done anything at all to show you aren’t just another powerless piece of reality that can’t do anything more than talk big and pretend to be something you’re obviously not?
Free Will is the curse of Humanity and the very reason you must “let him in”. The reason you must let Him in is because you have shut him out in the first place. That doesn’t make you powerful, that makes you kind of ignorant and lowly for thinking yourself superior to something like Perfection when you can’t even know what the next moment holds for you and your race of people you can’t throw out with the bathwater.
I can see clearly why you are in such a dark place. You don’t trust God to have power over your life unless you, yourself take control. Controlling and Manipulative, the status quo of Humanity, always trying to make themselves appear better though they never choose to be better by being a Human worth respecting. Just take the “titles” and “pride” that go with it, even though they can’t even know what it takes to be a better person.
God is a better version of Humanity and what Humanity should aspire to be.
As long as Humans think themselves ultimately above God – it is all the more definitive in my mind how far they have fallen in the Grace of Being God. Because who is there to make them better, but themselves in their own mind?
So as you are God in the Physical Plane, get on with healing yourself. Should totally be in your power to do since you are all mighty and above the Creator, right?
Except its not possible, in my mind, because the Whole of Healing Love comes from God – and OBVIOUSLY not from Humanity. Without tapping into the wealth of wonder of God, there is no healing or betterness to be found.
So I imagine you’ll sit on this stumbling block as long as you want to hold yourself higher than God, despite having no tangible proof for your betterness.