Tags

, , , , , , , , ,


Alma
Hope all is well and that you are feeling the goodness and graciousness that life is so willing to bless you with.

Hurting” —
Still sad… But coping
Taking each day at a time

Alma
That’s a good way to handle it. The hardest thing about losing something you love is that you don’t know how to get by without it. But each day you get through, shows you not only that you can get by without that thing, but that you can grow comfortable in that loss because life does move on in beautiful ways.

Hurting” —
It just sucks to lose my boyfriend and best friend within a month before my birthday
Double the pain?

Alma
Better to lose things that weren’t meant to last than be surrounded by people who don’t truly care though, right?

Hurting” —
Does anyone even care about me if the people I loved most don’t?

Alma
The question isn’t about if people care about you, it’s why does it hurt so much when people don’t? Is it because deep down you need the support and love of others to feel good about yourself because on that deep level you don’t love yourself as you should?

Hurting” —
I hate myself

Alma
Ah, see.
If you can’t love you, how can you expect others to?
Isn’t that kind of hypocritical?
So rather than expect others to do what you, yourself, are unable/unwilling to do – find a way to love yourself.
So when others come along you can show them exactly how you need loved.
And they will fall as easily in love with you as you are with yourself.
Surrounding yourself with the goodness inside and out.

Hurting” —
You can love others without loving yourself I think

Alma
I don’t believe in that myself. Because if you haven’t unlocked “how to love” on the inside, what’s ever going to come through the connection with people on the outside? It’s all fake and selfish.
Thus why so many relationships fail and falter.
Because everyone is loving to make themselves feel better, rather than loving because it feels good to do so.
And the difference there is hair thin, but the difference is the real reason why people constantly seek attention from others, never to be fulfilled by all that they get.

Hurting” —
Do you love yourself?

Alma
Yes, deeply, humbly, and honestly.
I find it wonderful to get to be me.
And every moment, whether good or bad — I thank the Heavens for the experience and blessing of knowing that I got to come to life.
It is just that good to be me.
And I think everyone should feel that way.

Hurting” —
That’s a nice outlook
My mom said its either love or be loved ,having both is rare

Alma
I think it is rare, because most people think of themselves first. And finding someone that truly thinks of others more than they care to ‘have it their own way’ is rare. But just because it’s rare doesn’t mean it isn’t possible for everyone. It’s just most don’t make the choice to love themselves first.

Hurting” —
Can i ask if you still want a relationship?
If you love yourself and are satisfied?

Alma
Yes, I am in a deeply committed relationship of twenty years.
Having love for myself helped me feel deeper affection and commitment towards the one I am with.
I didn’t always love myself, for most of my relationship I was needy and clingy and obsessive.
Worried that I wasn’t enough to keep the one I loved.

Hurting” —
What does it mean to love someone?

Alma
Loyally, Openly, and Virtuously giving yourself to Another in the same way you give love to yourself.

Hurting” —
How does one learn to love themselves?

Alma
It starts with finding the truth of why you are great, and actually believing that.
One single detail that you cannot deny is extremely special and unique to who you are.

Hurting” —
Okay
Thank you

Alma
I’m here to talk to, if you are needing a friend.

Hurting” —
My thoughts are all negative

Alma
That’s okay, mine tends toward the positive, so maybe I can help lift your perspective into something lighter to consider?

Hurting” —
What should I do? I’m bitter

Alma
Why are you bitter? What does being bitter feel like?

Hurting” —
Not loving life
Wanting to die

Alma
Ah I have been there – I will honestly share that in most moments, my love of life is so fierce with the idea of Utopia, that living in the Hell that our world is for so many makes me beg for existence to end for me.
Because it truly hurts to know that others are suffering.
But know, that this feeling of not loving life and wanting to die – it is only one small feeling in a vast sea of emotions to tap into.

Hurting” —
What other feelings are there?

Alma
Oooh good ones like Euphoria and Bliss and Happiness and Joy and Connection and Trust and not to mention LOVE!
I don’t think you’ve felt true love yet…because I believe hating yourself affects your ability to feel good in loving moments.

Hurting” —
What is True love?

Alma
True love is loving yourself so much you are willing to give yourself freely to others for their benefit without expecting anything in return.

Hurting” —
Isn’t that tiring?

Alma
Not even a little.
Because when you love yourself, you know that you are constantly giving a gift to others, which in reflection fills you with good vibes and energy.
It feels good to be you and feels even better sharing “you” with others.

Hurting” —
Won’t they use you?

Alma
I would rather be used by someone who didn’t need help than be someone who doesn’t give love freely to someone in true need.
Better to give than be a douche that doesn’t care.

Hurting” —
Do you care about everyone?

Alma
Yes, because I believe deep down we are all the same. And so by loving myself I am equally giving love to everyone.
And so as I share love with myself, I genuinely desire to share with others.

Hurting” —
Why are so many people unhappy

Alma
Because so many people don’t love themselves and then in turn act like people that are less than deserving of love.
When people act like assholes then they feel like the trash they are acting like.
When people act like good and caring and giving people, they feel good.
How many people do you know that actually act like good and caring and freely giving people?
Most people attach strings with the “love” they pretend to give.

Hurting” —
What are strings

Alma
Expectations.
Expecting others to give something at all.

Hurting” —
The people I love, I just wanted them to stay with me. It doesn’t matter if they loved me.

Alma
See that reeks of needing attention, and not caring what kind of attention you get, just because you lack the self love to feel good about demanding equal treatment.

Hurting” —
Genuinely kind people exist . There are also people who’ll say they care and ditch you when you reach out.

Alma
That is true.
See I find that when you love yourself, it relates to the Law of Attraction.

Hurting” —
Ah that

Alma
Love yourself beautifully, others will be attracted to the same
Hate yourself for everything, and others will do the same.

Hurting” —
Is there enough love for everyone? Time? Is there a purpose even?

Alma
I think if you felt the love for yourself, that you would understand there is never enough time to give love. Time flies by while love persists.
Love is the constant, while time is the changing ways to show love.

Hurting” —
Is there a life after this? Would there be a point if it just ends?

Alma
Hard to say what comes next because we aren’t blessed with that knowing. Which to me, makes all these moments all the more important, because you “can’t know” what comes next. And in that lack of knowing, it makes living in the moment all the more important.

Hurting” —
Do you love everyone equally?

Alma
I try to, but I’m human and I have my favorites.

Hurting” —
Are you sure you love everyone?

Alma
Yes because deep down I know that loving some and not others creates injustice. And I don’t want to be a Creator of Injustice.

Hurting” —
Even the stranger by the road?
Do you love me then?

Alma
Absolutely!

Hurting” —
Why?

Alma
You have opened your mind and heart and personal story to me, a random stranger on the internet. You have trusted me with your feelings and listened to the words I have to say. That touches me deeply

Hurting” —
Aren’t I just using you to get advice to feel better and eating your time ?

Alma
Is it eating my time if I genuinely desired to reach out to you first? Is it “using me” if I am sharing myself freely in the direction of someone I believe needs love and consideration?

Hurting” —
Aren’t you scared of getting hurt?

Alma
How would I get hurt if I don’t expect anything from you?

Hurting” —
Do you expect nothing from anyone?

Alma
I try not to, but I’m human and I have my own set of needs and fears baked into my experience. My husband meets the brunt of my expectations.

Hurting” —
How do you know they love you?

Alma
Trust of the feelings we share constantly and experience of the Love he and my children constantly share in my direction, without me begging for that attention.

Hurting” —
How are you sure they won’t leave?

Alma
I’m not.
I can’t know what they will do.

Hurting” —
Isn’t that scary?

Alma
But in knowing that I am giving my best love to them, I trust they will want to keep me in their life.
I have trust we share real love and that comforts more than it scares.
Because even in the event that I “lose that love”, I still had the blessing of experiencing it at all.

Hurting” —
Is it better to love and lost than never to have loved?
But wouldn’t it hurt so much?

Alma
I think it is much better to have truly loved no matter the details that come after.
Life is going to throw you some curveballs, but if you’ve truly been touched by love – no matter the swerve life brings, you’ll always have all that you need.

Hurting” —
Do you love your children equally?
I don’t think I want children. I’m not capable of loving them. They might hate me.

Alma
I was the same as a child – I didn’t want kids because of how I thought I would fail them
My children hold different spaces in my heart for the different people they are choosing to be. But would I give my life for any one of them – absolutely.
Thus I love them all the same.
When my daughter that I have the most difficult relationship with got hit by a car, there was not a drop of anything negative when I fell on my knees and gave my life to the divine for the blessing of giving me her life for more moments to treasure.

Hurting” —
I would be scared of losing them again.
I don’t want children in fear they’ll die, get hurt
And suffer

Alma
That is a constant thought to deal with when you have children.

Hurting” —
I wanted a forever so I guess i wanted a best friend. Do you believe in that, forever? Best friends? I can’t believe someone can love me Honestly. I’m a selfish person, aren’t I?

Alma
They are such a blessing but the weight of what happens if something goes wrong is downright terrifying.

Hurting” —
Which is why I don’t want children.
I’m not that strong.

Alma
I believe in forever.
I believe I am sharing my own forever with my husband.

Right now you can’t believe someone can love you honestly because you don’t honestly love yourself.
But when you see how easy it is to love yourself truly, you’ll be amazed how quickly others come to feel the same

Hurting” —
Are you loved?
By a lot of people?

Alma
Insanely by a small group of people
And it feels like by everyone I meet.

Hurting” —
Do narcissists love themselves?

Alma
Hmmm I don’t know.
They think of themselves a lot, but I think that’s deep down because they really don’t.
It’s not bad to think of yourself a lot when you think of bettering yourself for others.
Narcissists in my mind think of themselves and use others to get feel better about their lack of self love.

Hurting” —
Won’t people get bitter about you loving yourself?
Is getting attached to people bad?

Alma
Why would people be bitter about me feeling good about myself?
Attachment is bad because it comes with expectations on their behavior.

Hurting” —
Cause they aren’t happy seeing others happy?

Alma
You attach to something because you expect it to stay around, taking away the freedom of choice of that person.
Oh, then if you know someone that can’t be happy because someone else is happy – get away from that person quickly. That is a volatile and negative person to know and they only suck up your resources and mental stability.

Hurting” —
I had a friend like that.

Alma
They deserve to be well but actively make others unwell to be near them.
And for that they need to get their shit straight.

Hurting” —
They didn’t believe they could be happy.

Alma
Yep, that’s something they have to fix.
No one else will be able to help until they change that mindset.

Hurting” —
They don’t want to change.

Alma
Then it’s on them to be alone and miserable.
Their choice.
Can’t be a good person, don’t get to have good friendships.

Hurting” —
They said they want to end their consciousness.

Alma
Of course, they’ll say lots of things to get attention.
But did they end it? No – because they don’t want to die, they really just want to feel better.
But they bitch and moan like suicide will be the answer to their prayers.

Hurting” —
I was there for them but I felt it was never enough, then they left me because they didn’t want to face reality.
I worried everyday they might suicide.

Alma
Of course, that’s the negative attention they wanted.

Hurting” —
I couldn’t help.

Alma
Get your feathers ruffled so they can feel like someone cared.

Hurting” —
Did I not do enough?

Alma
No, you got away from a toxic person.

Hurting” —
I want to help.
They deserve love too.

Alma
Toxic people need help that professionals can help with.
Unless you are a strong person that is secure in their sense of help – those toxic people need to help themselves before they ruin the lives of others.

Hurting” —
They wanted someone to be with them 24/7 cause they can’t stand themselves

Alma
Exactly!
That is disgustingly needy.

Hurting” —
I want to be strong.
I like seeing others happy.

Alma
It’s easy to be strong when you love yourself.
Start there.
Start with finding the beauty in yourself.
That you like seeing others happy is a beautiful thing.

Hurting” —
I think thoughts are a bit
Like Habits
The negative ones
Popping out in repeat

Alma
Yes, they absolutely are. And learning to think positively is learning to “change your pattern of thinking”.
For that, I have a recommendation…

Hurting” —
What is it?

Alma
Start writing out the negative thoughts you have, so you can see how negatively your mind is thinking.
Then take those negative thoughts and work to turn them into something positive.
So the next time you think the negative thought it will be tinged with the memory of how to be positive instead.
Then you start choosing to think of the positive memory instead of the negative.

Hurting” —
Alma, were u always positive ?

Alma
lol No not at all.
Underneath the blinding positivity is a negative energy the ruffles people’s feathers to encounter.

Hurting” —
What Negative energy?

Alma
An inner rage at the state of the world.
It makes me endlessly angry how people choose to be and what they’ve done to our reality.
And that anger can be ridiculously mean.

Hurting” —
Like Global warming?

Alma
That and Poverty and Homelessness and Inequality and Lack of Acceptance.

Hurting” —
As one person I can’t save everyone.
I’ll doubt if I’ve done enough even when I get thanked.

Alma
Of course not, but you can save everyone you meet with the blessing of your grace of being.
And trust that in the moment, you are doing all you can to help.
Because if you could have done more, you would have.

Hurting” —
I like seeing others happy because I thought I couldn’t be.

Alma
That is a genuinely beautiful thing to want for others what you don’t know yourself.

Hurting” —
I admire people who love life.
I guess I wanted to be someone like that.

Alma
So be someone you can admire. /smile
Then when you look back at your choices, you can be happy with what you’ve chosen to be.

Hurting” —
I keep looking back to the past, I wonder If I’m not satisfied with the present ?

Alma
So many people are lost looking at the past.

Hurting” —
Should we not?

Alma
That they miss out on the blessing of the present.
If you are always holding onto the past that is no more, when will you ever have time to appreciate the present moment that is currently all you have?

Especially before that present moment becomes the past too.

Hurting” —
Everyone deserves to be happy.

Alma
I agree.

Hurting” —
Learn from the past, focus on the present, plan for the future?

Alma
But you aren’t learning from the past, are you? You’re obsessing about it and repeating the same pattern of thoughts that made you feel bad then?
Expecting the future to be different because why?

Hurting” —
You’re right.
Maybe because its comfortable to stay that way.
Change is scary.

Alma
Which is a funny thought to say because change is the constant.
Change is constantly happening as the present moment becomes the past and the future moment becomes the present, constantly.
People trying to prevent change is what feels abnormal to me.

Hurting” —
I’m scared of people leaving me. I’m more scared they’ll die. A lot of friends who want to suicide, I’m scared I will wake tomorrow and they won’t be there. There was a girl who would call me when they had panic moments and I felt bad I was asleep. I feel I’m not enough.

Hurting” —
Reminds me of a song:

https://youtu.be/bNnfuvC1LlU

Alma
That’s the thing, you can’t be the grounding factor in other people’s lives. People have to be that for themselves. You can be there and you can give your all toward their health and wellness, but at the end of the day it is not on you to make their choices for them.

Hurting” —
I want to protect them.
Change is constant but not overnight.
Is taking a step at a time, right?

Hurting” —
Is that what you’re doing?

Alma
Yes, I give my all toward helping people when and where I can. I freely share my moments toward giving words and love and deep connection to those that I feel could use my form of help.
But at the end of the day, no matter how much help I give, I know it’s not on me to “fix” someone else.

Hurting” —
Free will is the greatest gift I believe.
And having people I Care about.

Alma
For me, love is the Greatest Gift and that goes hand in hand with Having Freedom to Be.
Freedom to Be is parallel to Free Will.
But Free Will is what people take to be horrible people.
Where I believe Freedom to Be is where you get to be true to yourself without ever causing harm or hurt to others.

Hurting” —
I think anyone should do whatever makes them happy as long as it doesn’t harm others.

Alma
Same – I love that you included that last part.

Hurting” —
Of course, I believe that strongly.

Alma
That last part shows a beautiful side of you – that you think of others.
That you care about others, really.

Hurting” —
Even if I’m suffering doesn’t mean others should.

Alma
I feel the same, and when I am going through my worst bipolar moments, I try to limit my suffering so I don’t make others feel bad.

Hurting” —
My darkest moments I felt comfort seeing others happy. Sometimes I would feel sad, why couldn’t I be, but then I know I’m capable to be happy too… Though it’s a fleeting thing to me… happiness… No one can be sad or happy too long… There are so many emotions it doesn’t stay stagnant.

Alma
Right, because change is constant.

Hurting” —
My friend said I should learn to control my emotions.

Alma
Why get upset when the reality is that everything brings different set of circumstances to consider?
Controlling emotions is good, but feeling and understanding them is far better.
How can you control what you don’t understand?
Someone that says “control your emotions” sounds like someone that heavily represses what they feel.

Hurting” —
They’re a logical person.
They don’t believe in love that much.
Losing people, they kind of expect it.

Alma
Logical people tend to be extremely negative.
But call their negativity “realism”.

Hurting” —
I think they’re someone who’s been hurt a lot and grown to be like that.

Alma
So many people share the same story.
Everyone gets hurt.
Not everyone has to grow into a negative douche that represses all they feel because of it.
But seeing the state of the world, this feels like the norm

Hurting” —
Numbing the pain perhaps.

Alma
But I have faith that people are learning to confront their emotions

Hurting” —
Perhaps

Alma
Yes, they are numbing it.
Any way possible, distracting themselves from the truth they aren’t happy.

Hurting” —
I want to wake up someday feeling happy.
My friend always told me to find distractions when I’m sad.

Alma
Exactly – distract instead of feel better.

Hurting” —
My ex said you can be sad but don’t be sad too long.

Alma
Constantly needing to find new and better distractions to push away the feelings that are being repressed.

Hurting” —
Is distracting bad ?

Alma
Goodness gracious, there is no time limit on feeling a certain way.
Yes, distraction is numbing the pain instead of confronting it, in my mind.

Hurting” —
The two relationships I had
They both wanted marriage
I guess now I’m thinking why I was so willing
To leave my life Behind to go with them
I lost a lot of people I loved, I guess I wondered if I’m a failure.
Am i not lovable?
My friend got tired of me.
They said I’m too emotional.
I’m not sure what to do.
The thoughts just keep going.
I know they’re like clouds I can ignore them.
…Isn’t it easier to love others?
I feel I’m too flawed…

Alma
That’s mean to think of yourself,
That you are flawed.
Why aren’t you perfect? Why aren’t you deserving of that thought?
Why do you have to change to be perfect?
Why do you not believe being perfect is possible?

Hurting” —
No one is perfect.
I just wanted to be decent.
Someone that people could love.

Alma
I believe we are all perfect reflections of ourselves.

Hurting” —
Thats pretty.

Alma
And in the reflection of ourselves we show how we feel about ourselves.

Hurting” —
I am just myself.

Alma
You are.
And that is beautiful.
Thinking anything less of yourself is being mean toward your sense of self.

Hurting” —
Are you perfect?

Alma
Yes
And in the moments I am less than my best, I know that I was perfect then too.
Because I was only all that I could be in any given moment.
Any more or any less and I wouldn’t be me.

Hurting” —
Then I’m perfect?

Alma
Absolutely!
The only thing not perfect is your belief that you are less than that, you see?
By thinking yourself less than you are, it opens you to feel less than you hope to feel.

Hurting” —
If I say I’m perfect everyday,
Would I eventually believe that?

Alma
I think so.
Learning to think differently starts with thinking the thoughts.
Learning to feel different starts with thinking differently.
So when you learn to think you are perfect, you will see how easily it will be to feel good about being perfect.
It comes in steps, not all at once.

Hurting” —
Did it take a Long time for you?

Alma
Once my bipolarity struck, things started rolling really fast and my love of self became the most important thing. And once I realized that love of self was important, everything in my mind settled into place somewhat quickly. A few years versus the 30 years I spent stagnantly miserable.

Hurting” —
30 years?
That’s a long time.

Alma
Yep, I was miserable for the first 30 years of my life. Then bipolarity flipped my world upside down and taught me what truly matters.
Giving me the Gift of Perspective to lift my Spirits and make me Whole.

Hurting” —
I always felt anxious as a kid to make eye contact with people i still get anxious around strangers in real life.

Alma
I used to as well.

Hurting” —
I have to realize everyone is human like me, don’t I?

Alma
Figured out why that was for me.

Hurting” —
Why?

Alma
Because eyes are reflections of the soul and I wasn’t comfortable seeing people deeply for fear they would see into me just as deeply.

This helped me to feel better.
The more like me others are, the less alone I tend to feel.
Because no matter what others are going through, I can see myself as they are – which is comforting.

Hurting” —
Mhm, I’m working on that still

Alma
That’s okay, I get the sense you are really young.
Being young means you haven’t yet learned yourself.
Let alone, having learned that you are like others.

Hurting” —
I turned 18 a few days ago.
I have a lot to learn still.

Alma
Aww yeah, that’s still a baby really in the scheme of things.
Grown in body, but not yet developed in mind fully.

Hurting” —
How old are you may I ask?

Alma
I just turned 37 on the 23rd of July.
So more than twice your age!! Crazy!
You are closer in age to my children than you are to me. lol
For my oldest is 13.

Hurting” —
Aww
I remember being 13.
Time passes fast.

Alma
It really does.
It’s important to remember that.
Because if you realize that time is passing quickly, you’ll be more likely to cherish it rather than waste it being uncomfortable or miserable.

I try to find the beauty in the moment, because it’s better seeing a vision of beauty than it is figuring out how to feel about looking at a mess.

Hurting” —
That’s a beautiful outlook on life!

May I ask how you met your husband ?
I like hearing peoples love stories
Makes me hopeful a happy marriage exists

Alma
Hubby and I worked together at Best Buy. I started there as a summer job when I was 17 and he was working there already as an assistant supervisor, 23 years old.
I was put in his department.
And from there he started looking after me as I became the center of attention for a lot of men.
Trying to help me stay away from the guys he knew were bad for me.
Until finally I realized that the friend I loved hanging out with was someone I wanted to spend more time with outside of work.
We started working together in August 2001 and by November 16, 2001 we were officially dating.
And within weeks I was practically staying with him all the time. Spending most of my nights at his place until finally my mom reported me as a runaway and the move became permanent.
And from there began our tale of playing “home” together.

Hurting” —
I think you mentioned you had a lot of breakups with your husband?
How did you know he’s the one?

Alma
Because he was always the one I couldn’t imagine being without. It wasn’t that I could see a future with him – it’s that I didn’t want a future without him. Being together feels better than being apart.

Even when we were at odds with being together, we couldn’t bear being apart.
We had a lot of breakups because I had a lot of emotional issues that I brought to the table – jealousy, insecurity, lack of trust/faith. It caused a lot of problems to handle.
But no matter how many problems we were facing together, the thought of giving up and going our separate ways just wasn’t a choice either of us truly wanted to make
We wanted to fix our problems and for things to be better.
And at different times, being apart felt like it might press the issue to force the change we needed.
And time apart, isolated and alone in my bipolarity, is what cured me of my desire to run from my problems.
That and my husband’s constant commitment to being together as much as possible, no matter how problematic my bipolar problems were being.

Hurting” —
How did you cope with bipolarity?

Alma
With love.
It’s the only thing that worked.
Everything else just amounted to being a trigger for what I was feeling deep down.

Hurting” —
Self love ?

Alma
Absolutely

Hurting” —
Thank you for Everything!

Alma
Thank you for spending time with me, and giving my words a chance to open your heart and feel a little better in the moment.

Hurting” —
Do you think anything Is permanent?
Like a Forever?

Alma
Yes I believe in a Permanent Force in Existence.
Love
Love is eternal.
Love is infinite.

Hurting” —
What about life?

Alma
Life seems to be quite fleeting.

Hurting” —
Did you have a best friend?

Alma
My husband is my best friend.

Hurting” —
I kinda wanted once since I was a kid.

Alma
The only friend I’ve really ever truly had.

Hurting” —
Like the type we’re old and drink tea.

Alma
lol I’ve wanted one of those too.

Hurting” —
Mm

Alma
Everyone else found friends in school. And while I made friends with many, I never found that “best friend” I was searching for.

Hurting” —
I thought I found mine but yeah.

Alma
Until I met my husband. And that feeling of forever hit me.
That’s when I knew I had a best friend.

Hurting” —
That’s beautiful
You just felt it?
The moment you met him?

Alma
Not the moment I met him, but within weeks of spending time together I knew I felt about him differently than I had ever connected with others before.
Our energies matched each other and harmoniously vibrated.
We create resonance and joy and laughter in our moments, because being together feels so good.
That’s what I always thought having a best friend would feel like.
I just never realized I’d be so blessed to get to marry my best friend.

Hurting” —
I don’t know
I’m happy just reading that
Is that weird?
I’m glad for you.
I hope I’ll feel that too.
Sounds wonderful.

Alma
Awww I’m glad that I could create happy feelings for you by just sharing my story.
I don’t think it’s weird at all.
I think/believe that you are getting to feel the positive energy that my husband and I create in our relationship.
A taste of the happiness we share.
And that thought makes me really happy to consider.