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Written 10/17/2019:

It’s not often that my mind is in such a down place. But the truth is that I don’t feel myself these days. It has been four straight days of being low. It is as though the Full Moon brought a change in my being. And that being is now low.

I don’t feel the smile that was always ready to crack. And as I type that sentence the tears start to flow. Because this is not the me that I want to be.

I am happy. Or I was four days ago.
I am loved. And I still am today no matter what the change in mood has makes me feel.
I am stressed. The days keep bringing more struggles and I’m drowning.

The security we had been blessed to experience for three whole years has been shaken.

And in the shaking, coming loose is all those pieces I thought I had secured.

But the truth of security in the Material World, at any given moment it’s taken away.

On the tears flow for this is not just my pain, but the pain of the world at large.

Because there is no amount of surety that you can place in the things of the world.

Just as surely as you place all your comfort in having things be comfortably secure

CHANGE happens. Change is that thing that is always happening but can’t be counted on.

Because who knows what kind of change is going to be wrought?

I laid my head down and sobbed. It didn’t feel right to type. It doesn’t feel right to be.

The Savior Son heard me. Four years old and already worried about crying ladies.

He put down his activity and asked for a hug. And he patted my back with his little hand.

Little gesture, big help. Change happened there and it was for the better.

Because I still can’t find that smile. But I don’t feel the need to cry.

The things of the material world are always going to fall and pass away.

But the things of the heart and soul and spirit, those live on long after change has come.