After my manic breakdown, I found myself living alone and cutoff from my husband and children due to us living in separate houses. Life was hard because I had no television, no internet, no cellphone, and no realworld entertainment to help me pass the time. Along with no running water, no gas, no food in the kitchen and very little utensils to cook with, life was more difficult than usual.
It was the end of May and I found myself in a manic state with my whole family spending the evening at the house I was staying in. Fried chicken and Jojos were purchased so we would be eating nicely as opposed to the limited options usually available. And somehow my brother-in-law had hooked up a connection so we could get live TV. The Billboard Music Awards show was on basic cable and my girls were interested in watching it with me. Dinner and a Show – what more could I ask for after having gone with so little?!?
Since I was manic, everything is kind of hazy because at the time I believed I was living in hell on earth while my family lived in heaven in the making and we were being separated by a thin veil to keep us in touch while heaven and hell made repairs to the existing metaphysical/existential system. The awards show was a venue for the saints and sinners to come and show the best talent they had accumulated over their last years before the tribulation paradigm that was beginning.
Starting off the show for the sinners was Britney Spears. It was perfect to my manic disillusion. She came out wearing this barely there, devil red getup that made my seven and eight years old daughters exclaim, “Gross”. It was nice for me to be able to show my girls the person I used to dream of being like and tell them how little my role model taught me about life. I told them I grew up when lots of girls thought the only important thing was being pretty and having people like you. I grew up in the popularity phase of my generation when life revolved around the clique you were growing up in. I was able to show them that bodies were more than just the skin they could show off. Interestingly Pink was also performing at the same show with her new song, Just Like Fire, where she boldly exclaims how no one can be like her. Another performer that used to tell the world she wasn’t pretty like Britney Spears, still on stage, still not worrying about being pretty. Strutting her stuff was more about the music and theatrics than it was the amount of flesh she was able to show off. I liked to show my girls the differences that exist so they can see where opportunity exists for individuality.
And the show went on to explain that for me. There were dancers that rocked the stage. There were performers who used their music and theatrics to light up the show. Then there were the true artists who came with their vocals and lyrics to deliver powerful performances. In so many ways, so many people sharing the same profession were able to show just how diverse their backgrounds truly are.
It let me tell my daughters that they are more than just the pretty face and nice body God granted them on this Earth. With their body they need to be able to make something more of themselves than just another body walking around with pretty clothes on it.
Sharing that with them at a young age gives me hope for when they are teens. I feel it might prepare them for body uncertainty and social anxiety, or at least I hope.
And if nothing else, I had a pleasant evening sitting on a couch watching entertainment with my children. A simple evening full of pleasant memories. Not much more you can ask for.