Is it possible I exist in two different existences simultaneously and am able to connect to or view both essences?
In my mind, I very vividly and with insanely intense awareness, sit Indian style, floating in a beautiful vagueness, calmly existing in an aura of light and love. My hands are held in front of me, projecting my hearts desires and cupping the destiny of all in my soft graceful hand gestures. From my brow shines the light of every star ever wished upon in the night’s sky. My hair flows long and dark and waves gently in the light aura existing around me. I see it all so clearly and feel its perfection poignantly.
And yet here I sit at the end of the day, naked as the day I was born and exhausted beyond explanation, lamenting the difficulties of my good yet impoverished life.
I want to exist only in my mind. Because there I know peace and love of a divinely supreme being. Here in my reality, love and life is extremely cold and hard, with no concern for those without enough money, contempt and hate for those with mental illness, and complete dismissal and ignorance of those unable to fall in line with the masses.
I just want to be happy. Wherever that need be. No money involved, no doctors needed, no options necessary. I want to live where my God loves me best, and that place doesn’t exist in reality because I was born into a godless society. How incredibly sad I feel at that. I can’t love and worship my God properly because people are too blind in their ignorance of what divine love and protection truly means. My heart hurts tonight. And yet my mind’s existence glows brighter and gains more clarity. “Daughter of Zion” floats into my mind again reminding me of the tremendous endeavor I have ahead of me yet comforting me in the same instance with the comfirmation no one else knows what I know.
I go to lay myself down so I might dream of me/her and let go of this worthless empty shell of a body for the few hours I have left of the night. I go to dream where my God lives life beside me in reality. Not in some empty novel called the Holy Book that is completely devoid of divine wisdom and leads followers away from God and delivers them to evil and torture. I go to sleep to forget this cold, cruel, and godless world even exists. I go to sleep to dream, so I might feel alive again rather than dead and decaying.
If only I could wake up in my mind forever and leave behind this shameful existence we call “life”, for where injustice lies, life cannot begin. I speak of what is truth for I am living in the trenches of injustice and it is a living hell. Every second I am awake.
While weaving dreams for loyal sheep, greedy wolves do like to creep. And so as I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord my soul to keep.
And should the Lord choose to take me home tonight, at long last, I pray for unbreakable peace, unfathomable love, and unconditional happiness to be left in my place. May peace be with you, one and all alike.