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How to make your dreams become reality: It’s all in how you look at what’s before you and then how you define and internalize its meaning.

I make my life interesting. I let it unfold like a reality-tale. I like to remember the key players in my life which is basically anyone able to communicate with me through my cell phone and knows me in real life. I let them give me their name and number and then I give them some flavor based on the actions, behaviors, and circumstances surrounding our relationship. 
  
This is my actual contact list in my phone. The crazy stuff you see in there is all related to the story I am weaving with the fabric that is my life. And yes, marijuana is involved. I believe wholeheartedly in the fact that what comes from the Earth is made for all who live from the earth. And that miracle plant is no exception. And because it comes from the Earth, there is not one God Damn reason why a single person should be charging for something Mother Nature gives for free. The same can be said for any related gifts of Mother Nature. 
  
I care to tell things like they are. And to keep my brain organized I need blatant reminders of why I am not able to see people each and every day of my existence. My reminders make me giggle because they are lighthearted and serious at the same time. Passive Aggressive, even. But that’s the sane and bipolar, sweet yet bitchy side coming through. 

   
Some people are only in my life because my husband has to rely on others to support our family during these very troubled times. Unfortunately most of these people only help to serve their own ends and never from a place of genuine friendship and concern for our family’s wellbeing. Or at least he has only one person who has been there for our entire family, respectfully, graciously, generously, and accepting of me and all my special circumstances at our darkest hours. He moved world’s for us when I couldn’t carry all our shit myself. No matter how little I talk to him or how infrequently we see each other – he is the best friend my family has ever had. 

  

It is unfortunate because in some of these people I see the genuine ability to be a good person and thus a true friend. But these issues which I see as glaring truths for why they are unhappy and yet are things I cannot talk about because said people seem unwilling to truthfully and realistically step back and look at the story their lives tell a friend looking in. I know this is stuff they don’t want to hear and thus affects my ability to be myself around them and means I can’t deal with them for long periods at a time. My manic crap just starts to unravel and I become unstable and unsure of whether I can keep my mouth shut. And so I just avoid them all together and leave Patrick to the “friends” he believes are real but are really too concerned with themselves to see the utter life upheaval and total dismantling of everything he holds dear while trying desperately to avoid his own mental breakdown along side me, his partner at holding this whole shitstorm we going through together. To me those people are the exact opposite of friends. They are no more than liars taking advantage of a good man and the positive energy he brings to life and sucking it all up when they need it and pretending he doesn’t exist while his luck is down for the count. 

 

But even after all that negativity I still have hope for the future. In my belly, in my mind, and for my future family and friends. 

That’s why life is good when it seems all hope is lost. Because hope is always on the horizon. 

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