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With a new version of myself created after another devastating breakdown and loss of control to heart breaking effect comes a new lifestyle and a new dogma. I feel this one is my permanent resting place and I am already at peace with this new version of me even while I am working out the kinks. So I feel comfortable sharing my new life from the start. And it all began when I accepted this as my process for dealing with everything: 

“Silence the call of the mouth
   With focused labors of the body
Stem the painful flood of emotions
   With passionate cries to humanity”

People don’t seem to see me properly. No matter how articulate I am, how calmly I express myself, or how honestly I commit to a conversation, there always is a disconnect between what people perceive/accept of me versus what I am putting out there.

Rather than place blame, I am stepping back and changing my body of work open for discussion. No longer is how I look, how I speak, or how I act on the table for other people to offer their uneducated and biased opinions and preferences to me about. I simply do not need to waste my time pretending to listen to worthless information nor do I need to waste others energy by ignoring every word that comes out of their mouth. I have officially ended that kind of lifestyle for myself. Thank God!

Instead, the moment I realize my words are no longer appreciated or respected I will abruptly end the conversation and turn my thoughts inward while I begin to labor or outward while I write, craft, or otherwise express those pent up expressions the people around me do not care to hear. 

With only a couple days of this under my belt, I have already been able to use these tools to epic effect creating a world of light and positivity for myself despite living in EXACTLY the same circumstances that contributed to my breakdown. I’m still working through getting it all down “on paper” but I’m ramping up to really hit this life full throttle. 

I needed this change. And the way my gears are going, at this rate I’m not sure anyone is going to be able to stop me before I make all my dreams come true, all by myself. Such a wonderful feeling versus the sad, frustrated, impotent person I have been fighting not feeling like. 

Be prepared. I feel a flood of posts coming rapidly over the short term future.