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I apparently struggle with communication. No matter how well intentioned and thought out my words there is a complete disregard to the fact that I despise people who tell others how to live their lives. No matter how often I say it, how frequently I type it, people still get me wrong. I advise others to help out. Not dictate commands for them to obey.

My words are never sent authoritatively, they are meant to be consoling and comforting if not contemplative in fashion. Despite the constant attacks and insinuations to the contrary by people who demand they know what I’m thinking and self-entitle themselves to attack/correct me for being “wrong”.

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I may never find a single soul who sees how innocent and pure my intentions truly are. I’m okay with that. I also know how honest my love is for humanity and how determined I am to fix all that ails our existence. I may never accomplish anything worthwhile but I will die happy knowing I did everything I believed possible without receiving a little help from the others trying their hand at the game of life. 🌟Kristan

I cannot stand douches who get up on their soapboxes and tell people how to do things and what choices to make all because “they believe it is right”. No person has the authority to dictate the right way to live for another soul. I firmly believe no one can offer instruction or demands for something they haven’t themselves experienced, such as someone else’s life. Believe this, can’t stand people like that, so why would I choose to be like them? Truth is, I don’t!

Instead, I firmly relate to people who have the ability to take their traumatizing past and translate it to others in a very broad and general sense to promote healing and offer differing positive perspectives that seek to aid in the healing of another troubled soul. I hold myself to BE one of those people.

I actively strive to offer to people the lessons I have learned from my past or to promote the corrections I understand need to be made but fail to implement in my own life. I offer this “advice and recommendation” to others drowning in their own completely individualized traumas and suffering. Trauma and suffering I understand I know “nothing” about. Yet I still choose to offer my words as a lifesaver coming from a place of love, not as a dictator being a douche. And never as an edict or command seeking to limit or control someone’s destiny.

It is frustrating how frequently my attempts to help and comfort are misinterpreted. Even more frustrating, the reverberating attack on my personality as being a “dictator like bitch who tells people what to do”. It is highly offensive and I don’t stand for it. I’m not the bitch, I’m just the person offering a perspective that makes you think for a second. Just because thinking can be difficult and painful is no reason to attack me. Put down the anger you suddenly feel for me and look internally at what enflamed that rage from my particular selection of words.

My words came from love and understanding, seeking to heal and help not harm or hurt. Instead they are read and interpreted as rude and commanding and immediately attacked. Why the difference between what I’m sending out and what was taken in?

That’s called interpretation. And it’s entirely up for the reader to decide how my words make them feel. It is not for me to dictate how they feel or why they feel it, nor to tell them how I believe their life should be, nor as a judge of the reader on the life they wrote they lived. A commenter comes as a guest to offer their own spin on their own interpretation of the words you, the blogger, choose to put out for the world to explore. Should you, the blogger, choose to negatively interpret positivity, it is not my place to be the victim of your attacks for failing to interpret a well intentioned message in a positive fashion.

When you put your “stuff” out there on the Internet, you leave yourself open to other people trying to help you in their own completely individualized way. Sometimes in ways that might not make sense to you. Most people are just trying to reinforce positivity and spread love and understanding. Unless someone is openly being aggressive or hostile, it is rude to assume anything about the intent of their words. Because you cannot know what they meant to say.

If you are so touchy that you interpret a positive comment in such a negative fashion, perhaps receiving comments on your blog is something to be reconsidered until you reach a more secure stage in life. One where you don’t immediately attack people trying to help you, but instead embrace all walks of life frequenting your site, with the understanding that their encouragement might differ from your own, ring a little foreign to your heart, but still makes you feel good. Wait until that point, or at least until you can delete a comment that offends you without responding in such a negative fashion.

Because I can promise, if well intentioned words have the ability to set you off in such a negative way, imagine what will happen to you when someone intentionally seeks to attack you and hurt the fragile soul you are baring to the world.

I don’t for a second pretend I know what it is like to have my father rape me. But I do know what it is like to have my sexual innocence taken from me by an older family member at the age of five, coined as rape by some, defined as molestation by others, personally undesired sexual contact is where my mind lands. Regardless of the terminology of “my” trauma, I was forced to keep it quiet under the strict belief that problems are to be hidden not fixed and were never talked about to family or people. Disgusting trauma furthered worsened by disgusting ignorance of what it takes to live a healthy and wholesome life.

I can’t say I was raped by my father. But I was raped in reality by family and metaphorically by negative experiences in life. Like so many others have been, and like so many others continue to be. I don’t pretend to know “your” details but I absolutely know the pain and darkness surrounding undesired sexual contact and emotional abuse. And I know that everyone suffers differently over the same core issues.

Just because some people choose to believe their pain to be beyond repair or beyond comprehension by anyone who hasn’t suffered in precisely the same detailed fashion they have endured, does not actually mean that is the truth to life. Stop attacking well intentioned people for offering words of advice. Instead consider attacking the demons residing inside that would cause you to lash out so negatively.

I would never demand somebody to not hate a person for the past transgressions committed against them. I would be a hypocrite to do so. I vehemently hate the woman my dad is involved with for the crimes she committed against me over the past 13 years, the atrocities she’s allowed to perpetrate without repercussion or comment, and her continued presence in my daughter’s lives. I cannot, despite my best efforts, put down the hate as it relates the that doucheflap. With all that being said, who the hell would I be to tell someone not to hate the perpetrator?

The truth is I’m not. But I am someone that can say, “Hey! Carrying around hatred for someone who is a total piece of shit, someone not worth the microseconds it takes to process their depravity and deadness in their soul, is a drain on your ability to be positive.” I can say this and project it honestly because I actively hate someone who is beyond redemption and it actively weighs on my life because I choose to continue to carry my beef with the that devilish bitch.

My choice to hate her continues the cycle of negativity. A lesson I fail to learn and continue to suffer from every time I think about her. While I would never command someone to stop hating, I sure as hell would indicate, promote, and encourage the importance of dropping the darkness, letting go of the hatred, and embracing the future where that negativity and despair have no place. I may not be capable of doing it myself, but I certainly wouldn’t want to keep someone from being able to heal themselves should they be strong enough to recognize the wisdom of my words.

With a broken heart and hurt feelings, I learned a valuable lesson. People who want to drown themselves in their darkness and the depravity of their past are beyond redemption until they choose to put down the baggage they constantly attach to themselves. No matter how much I emphasize that I speak from a place of love and guidance not judgment and dictation, these people will only read dark intentions from my words. I can’t help or comfort those who only want to continue hurting themselves and irrationally hurt others for responding to their pleas for help.

I am done commenting on people’s blogs who constantly complain about the past, their depression, and how life is so difficult but never actively choose to resolve their issues in a positive and healthy fashion. These are people I view as lazily choosing to embrace the negativity of life while complaing about the difficulty of living a positive one. Instead relying on bitching to the universe about the crappy hand life dealt them. I believe life is crappy when you focus on the crappy aspects of life. Each and every single one of us could say we were dealt a poor hand if we look down and define the cards we hold as crap.

But that’s just my belief. After all of this, I realize some people just want to bitch about things. Some people just want to feel like crap. Some people just aren’t ready to let go of their pain and suffering, unable to detach themselves from their self imposed baggage. They don’t actually want to heal their pain, but rather let everyone know how bad they have it. Some people just want pity parties for themselves not positive progress towards habitual happiness.

And for that it makes me sad. Because I was that person for the last 13 years. I wanted everyone to know how bad I had it. And it sucked because no one could ever possibly understand the struggles I faced because they were “my” struggles based on my specific problems in life. No one has lived my life. How could I ever expect anyone to get it? I realized they couldn’t. But I recognized they did understand the broad generalities of what I faced because in the game called life, we all face similar issues.

I desperately want to save everyone I see and feel walking that dark lifestyle. But you can’t warm a frozen heart with a fictional flashlight. Their heart must be open to the warmth of the light of love. And I can’t doing anything to create or manipulate that into fruition. With a heavy heart I close the door on people who close the door to love and understanding, to those instead choosing to embrace negativity without thinking, life without learning, and existence with peacefulness.

I have realized my efforts are better directed at positive people open to positive guidance. Sometimes you just have to let a person save themselves before you can pull their souls safely ashore.

To all the souls too broken to feel my love and undying concern, I miss you. I wish you would step back into the light. Come away from the darkness that separated you from the bliss life has to offer. I will always be waiting with open arms to guide you into his eternal love and protection. I will always desire showing you the love he has filled my vessel with. The love I am so desperate to save 7 billion souls with.

I wish people loved me enough to “get” me. Life wouldn’t hurt so much.

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