I am already gearing up into hypomania. After only a week of downtime… So quick, so very quick. I don’t feel like I eaten enough food, slept enough hours, or turned my mind off but for a blink of time. How can it be kicking back on already?
I’ll tell you why. Euphoria. That blessed curse is upon me. I went and made myself too happy. My intangible world that does not yet exist went and blew my mind with unprecedented levels of euphoria. My crazy world blew the sane one right out of the water and is enticing me with her loving embrace.
All in one day I have received praise from multiple sources, in a variety of methods, telling me I’m being heard and I’m getting myself out there in the way I hoped.
The scariest part of what I am doing is that I am quite literally laying myself bare for the world to judge. I hold nothing back because I expect others to do the same with their own souls. But scary people live out there with razor sharp judgment cutting me every step of the way. It slices every inch of my body but I bleed in pretty words and love for all so I don’t mind in the slightest.
The encouragement I received today from friends and family and the blogging community do so much to heal those wounds I wear on my sleeve. My gratitude knows no limits and provides a profound feeling of being worthwhile.
My guardian angel has been flying really close lately and today he has dropped two bombs on me. I will be receiving paint supplies to further enable my creative ventures. My angel wanted me to bring color to my art, to give more detail to the world I’m desperate to create, and add more clarity to the soul I’m longing to share.
First he brings me the colors of the rainbow to paint my skies. The he sets my dreams in motion so I may soar across those skies on a chariot of euphoria.
I love Fall Out Boy. Desperately. Insanely. I want to meet them and find out why their music is so profound…to me specifically. I want to talk to them. Watch them. I want to be weird around them because I believe I wouldn’t feel weird at all. I want to feel what it is like to meet the one band whose every song feels like an anthem made just for me. I’m am a thirty year old experiencing a tweener band crush for the first time in her life.
And my angel sought to give me a way to see my band when they come to town. He did it. Somehow he managed it. I’m going see my ultimate fantasy band in person in June!!!
The mere fact that I’m going because I love them humbles me. I am one lucky girl. I ask to see something that makes my heart come to life and without missing a beat, I am granted the ability to go by a person who only wants to see me happy. So he can be happy himself.
Life is so good. The euphoria I feel overshadows all other problems that I know still exist. It is a slippery slope I am feeling my way along it one tip toe at a time. It is my goal to prolong this hypomanic state as long as I can without a serious lapse into the mania. I find myself better able to merge reality and my ideals together to create a more cohesive life when I’m hypomanic. And I want to get some stuff accomplished already.
I only scare the shit out of people when I’m manic. I may be all love and hugs. But I’m intense. Too intense for most people. Such is life. So I must make the most of my time to be productive – hypomania.
My thoughts are racing as they always do when I up cycle. Right now they are grounded and based on creating a plan of attack for saving the world. I’m starting small to keep myself from getting overly idealistic. Trying to siphon off as much emotion and verbal overflow as possible as rapidly as I can.
While typing this blog post, I am working on a new drawing and chatting with several ‘intangible’ friendships. The multi-tasking allows me more focus and control over my ‘game plan’ thoughts. I’m finding them much less idealistic and way more manageable and connectable. In other words, I’m still thinking in realistic terms general society might understand.
My posts may come rapid fire here for a bit while I try to level out the influx of information. I’m trying to organize the different pieces I’ve clicked into place so I can better understand this hypomanic state, what kicked it off, how I can ride the tide, and whether I can down cycle before going fully manic again.
At least I’m euphoric in my workload. What a life I lead!