Life is really some kind of crazy right now. As I attempt to recount my experience of taking a break from reality and the end of my world, I think I fail to adequately explain that I was admitted into a psychiatric ward at local hospitals from Friday May 9 through Wednesday May 14. I left off of my last story right before the cops and paramedics whisked me away to the hopsital. I wish I could sit down and write about it. Because I really feel like I need to process everything. Quickly. However, life has different plans.
Currently the trials before us:
1. Packing up my entire house so we can be moved out before 9:30am May 21. I have several friends who have offered to help me with this task. I am struggling to have them help. Every time I let people see what a mess my life truly is, they leave. It just happened with a life long friend. I opened the door into my chaos and all too quickly the door was slammed in my face and I was sent packing with yet another suggestion to get my life together. And here are more friends, offering to get their hands in the biggest mess of all, and help me box it up. It’s more than I can handle right now because I feel very strongly they’ll end up running away too. But this time it isn’t my friends that are offering, Patrick’s friends have come to his aid. If I’m unable to keep my own friends, what chance do silly boys stand against my chaos? I don’t want to chase away the only positives in Patrick’s life right now. He doesn’t think he has anything but his friends are what are keeping him going. When you add me to the mix, everything else gets blown out of the water. So why add me?
2. Finding a home to move to – What a trip this will be…We lost a home back in September because we couldn’t afford to make a $1,200 rent payment on top of $600 utilities and still afford to pay for the car and do things like eat. And so we moved into a house that has made us sick, that the landlord refused to fix the problems we told him, and when we got sick enough that the state got involved, the landlord decided to evict us. Because both my husband and I were locked away for the hearing on Monday, the judge moved forward with the eviction leaving us until the 21st to get out. So two evictions, back to back. Who would ever rent to us? Not that we having any money to try to sway a person’s decision. All our money was used to put a triple deposit down on this slumlord’s property.
3. Coming up with money to move with – You know that saying, “You can’t milk blood from a turnip.” Well that is very applicable to my family. Somehow we need to find a place to live. Sadly, having a roof over your head necessitates having something like money. And my family has none. Except for the money given from a very praiseworthy friend. Thank you for that. It means more than we could ever explain.
4. Finding a job/earn a living – The cry of every starving artist. Well I have starved myself down more than 120 pounds and still have found no material success working for the man or as an artist. My dreams of being an artist are new and so I can’t say I really expected them to have taken off so quickly. Sadly when you have a family, dreams fall to the way side when priorities like food and shelter become critical issues. And right now things are at critical mass.
And so I feel as though my time with my blog will be very limited in the near future while we attempt to get our shit together as my life long friend suggested. I don’t know how long I will need to step away, and it makes me very sad to walk away just when everything seems to be coming together so perfectly, but I think life is pulling me away for a bit. I can’t see how sitting at a computer when everything is falling apart contributes to anything but my own happiness. And life has shown you can’t be happy when no one around you is happy, so back into the darkness I go.
Please know I am coming back. This blog is my light. It’s my glimpse into a world that I will likely never get to experience. I’m not strong enough to stay away forever. My friends Juliette over at Romeo at Twenty, Rob at The Irreducible Primary, Pavanneh at Because I can, and Shayna at Musings From a Ragged Soul – I look forward to your every post. I get excited when I receive a notification that you have responded to a comment or left one for me. I truly consider you friends and can’t wait until we meet again. Also to my new friends at WaywardKnight and The Faithful Pacesetters I only just started learning about you but I am excited to learn more. When I come back I look forward to picking up where we left off.
I love you all. I have to go take care of business for a little while. I’m coming back though.
Can’t wait to catch up when I get back!!