His love strips me down, leaving me naked and exposed, but at the same time wraps me up and covers all my flaws.
I find myself continually drawn back to the concept of love. As I explore and start to understand different parts of myself, I am finding that at my core, love permeates every part of my being. My hopes, my dreams, my fears. The way I look, the way I feel, the way I talk, everything about me is screaming love. To give, to receive, to find, to create – it’s all I am and all I want to be.
This morning, I’m pleasantly battling thoughts of last night, trying to maintain some kind of focus. It is hard, I feel like I experienced the full power of love. To be fair though, I experience it every second I am with Patrick. The bond between he and I is staggering – it causes my heart to race as I try to explain the depth of our connection.
After the girls go to bed, every night is kind of a date night. We talk, we eat, play Dota or Starbound or whatever other game we might fancy, and we touch. I’ll run my fingers through his hair as I bring him a drink, he’ll brush my hair as we watch a show, a deep kiss as we pass on the stairs, a shoulder massage, a small kiss on the neck here, a gentle squeeze of a shapely curve there, all throughout our evening. It’s magical. I live for the next time we touch.
Sometimes I will have Patrick lay down next to me on his stomach. I like to lightly run my fingers over the curves of his back, gently following unseen paths over the course of his body. I fill my mind, my thoughts, my body with how much I love him. I focus so hard it is almost as though that love becomes a tangible thing. It is such a heady experience. My body feels almost as though it is vibrating. I feel warm, hopeful, fuzzy, content, blissful, so many things at once. I feel as though my love radiates out from me and as I touch Patrick he can feel it.
Whether it is a feather light stroke or a hard muscle massage, my initial touch never fails to elicit a physical response. His back will arch, a small groan escapes, goosebumps pop up all over his body, and his hair stands on end, like an electric current is coursing through his body. And there is – love. It is amazing. Beautiful. Powerful.
As I pull the thoughts of our connection to my mind, I get dizzy. I feel dwarfed by the enormity of the love we share, the power we possess. And what power it is. Our love has carried us through so much. Even when we were falling apart, distancing ourselves from one another, our love was there, invisibly pulling us back to the other. We broke up, got back together, fought, yelled, broke up again, argued, got back together, became total strangers, and yet have always found our way back home to our other half. Because we are just two halves of one life. On our own, we can get by. Life would continue. But when we come together, the carpets roll out, the birds sing, the trumpets blast, and the sun shines.
Our life, our love gave birth to three beautiful little angels. I can’t help but look at my daughters and positively beam because they are just so perfect. They are a mesmerizing blend of Patrick and I, mixing and matching, twisting and warping our personalities and looks, yet coming to create a wonderful being. So pure and innocent, full of life, and full of love.
Our love tempers the bad, using it’s warm paintbrush to create a better portrait of what our life is. My heat bill may be past due, but my heart is forever warmed. My house is messy, but my children have played and laughed. The dishes are dirty because the girls had food to nourish their growing bodies. Our love is the key. If I have a worry, I just need to dig down and find the love behind it to wash away the sting.
I know that whatever trials I might face, it is love that is going to get me through it. I don’t know what form love’s comfort will take, but I trust it will be there. As it always has been.