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Positive ThinkingI think life is all about perspective. I have no money, very little food, and no idea on how I will get more of either. That being said, I’m still happy. Actually, I’m feeling a deep sense of contentment.

I’m still stressed over all of the things I could do better, ways to be better, but I also know I have a lot to look forward to. Prudence is so lovably goofy and today like each day before, I get to watch her literally dance and sing her way through life. I know that I will want to smoosh Providence’s face because she is just so STINKING CUTE! I’m always excited to pick up Patience from school and get to hear about her day, from her own little 5 year old perspective. And I’m very much looking forward to when we close our loop for the day and pick up Patrick from work. Things just aren’t complete until he’s with us. Every day I get that, well at least every weekday.

Sure, my life could be better in material ways. Clothes, presents, decorations – all great and things I want but they are things I am fully beginning to accept aren’t necessary. If my girls have nothing under the tree, I’ll be a little sad because I still feel the pressure to give them everything they want, and at this age they want presents – every kid does. But my sadness is negated by the knowledge that I love them with every part of my being – mind, body, and soul. I hope my love can provide them with enough comfort and warmth to temper the disappointment in all that I’m not materially providing.

I hope because that is the gift they give me each and every day.

2015 Update:

Written: 12/19/2013

Excerpt: Love comes freely in abundance while time is expensive and money doesn’t grow on trees. It would be wise to spend your energy where it matters most, hurts the least, and prospers the fastest. Anything less is accepting less than what life has to offer.

Thoughts: Life hasn’t changed much for me since I wrote this. Money is still extremely tight albeit it in a more comfortable and stable way then before yet still unable to give my children everything I feel they rightly deserve and deservedly need. I question every day if living life in poverty is traumatizing my children. We go to Target (their favorite store) once very two weeks (when Daddy gets paid). They are always excited to go. Now that we have established a weekly allowance system, they have motivation to work hard to be able to take “their” money and buy whatever they want. It’s all so simple in such a complex world. And yet I find myself happier knowing I don’t have to worry about my girls not being able to afford the $50 toy because they receive a $5 weekly allowance for their contributions towards a clean house and a happy family. They don’t complain that they can’t get the overpriced toy, instead they try to understand why it would take ten weeks (an eternity) to earn something I know they’ll only be interested in for a few months (at best). The cost (time) far exceeds the benefit (active interest) they’ll receive for their efforts. It comforts me to know that they are just as perplexed about how grownups operate as I am as an adult.

Hope: I hope people would begin to value how much time is being spent on negative areas of their life and compare it against the absolute and honest outcome they receive for their efforts. Then I would like them to evaluate whether refocusing or redirecting that energy towards more positive and fulfilling endeavors might lead to a happier life.

Moral:  The cost of leading a happy life is more than just being able to afford the “finer” things in life. Finer is to be defined before the cost can be calculated.